So it seems that since returning all I’ve been doing is running in circles, head cut off, and just screaming for some time to breath and possible try to re attach my head – I hear they’re necessary, after all. And while abroad was breathless and I was continuously on the move, it was simple. And so I think I get it now: I’m not screaming for time, I’m shouting for simplicity. In fact, I’m doing so at the top of my lungs. Here, things are cluttered – socially, there are ties we have to uphold, appearances that “need” to be made; emotionally, there are those people who you don’t realize make you emotional until you see them after 5+ months and all you can say is “dammit, really?”; physically there is a haggardness thanks to the countless appearances and emotions and school and pressures that make you look as though you’ve fought a war and trudged to class all in the same day. And with rush finally ending this weekend – some could say this is a social war in itself – I’m hoping to find the time to take a breath and rescrew my head to my flailing body. Until then, the chicken metaphor still stands. You’d think after years of overinvolvement my motivated, ambitious, “must do everything” self would’ve learned…alas, the cons of being so Type A.
I, for one, can say that I wasn’t ready. After the long drawn out goodbye to France, I’ve been home all of 3(give-or-take-a-few)hours and already find myself itching to do something. Anything. How was boredom so evitable in France but so quick to find me on my floral duvet in my room in NY? I never thought I’d say this but Lilli’s crazy cultural sheets and sayings may have some truth to them: there’s a huge come down from study abroad. I guess all I keep asking myself is, “what now?”
I guess first and foremost there’s the ever-so-pressing issue of NYE: the frazzled rush to find plans, the dodging of jet lag, the futile attempts not to compare anything you’re doing here with what you could be doing across the pond in say, Aix-en-Provence, France. Then there’s the issue of having 5 days at home and 6 valises of laundry to do before repacking and heading down south (“to the land of the pines/I’m—” Sorry, small tangent). Next, the strangeness of adapting to (again) only having one cell phone. I found it very strange to not turn on my very crappy, yet reliable, portable français upon deboarding the plane today at JFK. It’s going to be strange not to pay as I go and I’m sure I will grow wistful as the soundwaves reaching my ears start to lack that obnoxious ding-ing noise that it makes when it wants to alert you to an SMS or phone call. And finally there’s the most important of all issues: what is the fate of this (a)blog? After all, I’d be lying if I said that keeping it hasn’t been entertaining, but I’d also be lying if I continued an abroad-blog from, well, not abroad. I’ve loved the comments that I’ve received – whether it be from parents, family friends, friends, or just bored readers with nothing better to do who ended up getting a good laugh. I guess we’ll see…considering the number of people who incredulously listen to the events of my day to day and marvel at the fact that MTV hasn’t yet called me for at least an hour episode of True Life because “how does this stuff even happen to you anyway?” Thus, I’m sure there will be more stories to tell. But I would like to say thanks for it while it’s on my mind – for reading and for following along.
Well, judge me for this (or not) but I’m going to go stow away my french phone for mon prochain séjour (because there’s going to be one!) and then watch some Vampire Diaries. The “what now?” now applies to Damon’s evil doings, Stefan’s search for humanity and the Bella-esque heroine who doesn’t bite her lip and actually speaks. Oh, I am coming down and hitting reality fast.